were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
there is glitter all over my balls
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