I accidentally had phone sex last night
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
