Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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