we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize