I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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