Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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