he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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