toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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