the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
