He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
