We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
