I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
