kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
