We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
