So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize