I can't breathe out the right side of my face
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
