I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
