I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
drinking out of a sandbucket again
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
