My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
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