Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
