are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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