Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
