I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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