I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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