I got chris browned last night
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
