I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
