It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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