i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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