you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
