Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
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