i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
