happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
