All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
