you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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