Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
