I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
