If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
