have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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