After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
