Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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