the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
vagina is talking i cant
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
