Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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