Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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