Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
