At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
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