It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
