So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
