Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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