Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
