Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
