about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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