8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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