i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize