i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
