Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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