he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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