True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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