Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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