i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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