i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
