Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
