I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
you never un-have a 4some
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
