I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize