$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
