I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
