so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
i need some magic done to my vagina
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
