The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize