I look better un-naked...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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