had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The best revenge is premature balding
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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