So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
