You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize