I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
