he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
