Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize