this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
