he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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