chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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