He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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