is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
