An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
