OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
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