...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
