i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
