I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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