Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
