I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
