Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
