Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
