I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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