from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
