She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
