You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
