i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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