Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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