She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
