Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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