FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
