so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so let's talk penis.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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