$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
