He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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