dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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