His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
